her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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