Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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