I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
