I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
