people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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