I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
