trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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