the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
