Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
