it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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