Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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