there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
