Redeem this text for a blowjob
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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