he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
