Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
