Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
