His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
