Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
