So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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