someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
