He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
