I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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