i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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