Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize