I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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