she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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