I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
