I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
