talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Even my vagina gasped.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
