$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
