Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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