Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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