bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize