I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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