I wish i was in the wii world.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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