I cannot find my penis.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
