he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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