Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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