She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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