im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
