Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
