apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
