DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
