I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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