I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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