This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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