seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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