shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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