Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize