i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
