You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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