he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This toilet bowl is my home.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
