I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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