I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
