Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
