theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize