I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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