dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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