I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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