____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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