it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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