My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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