She's JV to your varsity
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
