We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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