Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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