rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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