I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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