Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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