i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
