When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
