walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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