Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
