i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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